


mama called me destructive ; said it’d ruin me one day.

by sp00kiiest



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, no beta we die like men, tsukki-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-18 21:40:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22500256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sp00kiiest/pseuds/sp00kiiest
Summary: Bokuto is loud and brash and Kei can’t remember the last time he was still. He has eyes like molten gold and strong shoulders and soft lips and he jumps and laughs and swallows everything up like the sun. But the sun sets sometimes too, and in those moments Bokuto shows all his emotions so openly that Kei feels himself ache from the sight of it. He can’t remember being so in awe. So terrified.Akaashi is subtle. He has eyes like the ocean, and a smile a soft as sea foam. He’s beautiful and hypnotic, and Kei knows they each gravitate to the pull of his tide. Kei remembers the colour of his eyes and soft of his lips and thinks of drowning, drowning always drowning- not even wanting to learn how to swim.Kuroo is different. He burns like a slow fire, he doesn’t scorch the way Bokuto does, he doesn’t flicker like Akaashi, he’s just there. Bright and unwavering, able to cast light on the parts of himself Kei didn’t know had been in shadow. He’s stubborn and intelligent and Kei feels his gaze like a physical weight, settling on his skin slipping through bones and sinew until it’s as if loving Kuroo had always been there.His loves them.He loves them and his marks fester.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 34
Kudos: 318





	mama called me destructive ; said it’d ruin me one day.

**MAMA CALLED ME DESTRUCTIVE : SAID IT'D RUIN ME ONE DAY**

* * *

His soulmates are...different.

Bokuto is loud and brash and Kei can’t remember the last time he was still. He has eyes like molten gold and strong shoulders and soft lips and he jumps and laughs and swallows everything up like the sun. But the sun sets sometimes too, and in those moments Bokuto shows all his emotions so openly that Kei feels himself ache from the sight of it. He can’t remember being so in awe. So terrified.

Akaashi is subtle. He has eyes like the ocean, and a smile a soft as sea foam. He’s beautiful and hypnotic, and Kei knows they each gravitate to the pull of his tide. Kei remembers the colour of his eyes and soft of his lips and thinks of drowning, drowning always drowning- not even wanting to learn how to swim.

Kuroo is different. He burns like a slow fire, he doesn’t scorch the way Bokuto does, he doesn’t flicker like Akaashi, he’s just there. Bright and unwavering, able to cast light on the parts of himself Kei didn’t know had been in shadow. He’s stubborn and intelligent and Kei feels his gaze like a physical weight, settling on his skin slipping through bones and sinew until it’s as if loving Kuroo had always been there. 

His soulmates are different  
And he loves them  
And his marks fester.

* * *

It began in May. 

He hadn't noticed the distance- well he had, but only the physical one. They'd grown. Matured. Become people that Kei would ~~never~~ say he's proud of. Bokuto and Kuroo had gone off to Tokyo University and Akaashi and Kei had felt the emptiness of their departure. It had been a struggle. Bokuto and Akaashi struggled with the sudden loss of each other, Kuroo struggled to stop the distance from spreading to them emotionally and Kei had struggled in admitting he missed them enough to struggle. They'd done all the obvious things. Akaashi and Kei would visit as often as they could, they'd call, text, video call, Akaashi even got them to start sending parcels to each other once a month. The year without them had been hard, but Bokuto and Kuroo had each other, and Akaashi and Kei had each other and it was a little easier to miss the other parts of you when someone else missed them too. 

A year passed and then Akaashi was gone too. 

Kei was there the day he moved into the apartment Bokuto and Kuroo shared. He'd ignored the boxes and arguments over wardrobe space to bury his face in the curve of Bokuto's neck and cling onto Akaashi's fingers a little too tight and he'd avoided Kuroo's eyes too piercing always knowing and pretended he didn't already feel the loss of yet another part of himself. Akaashi had understood at first, he'd been with Kei during the year when the distance felt too strong, he knew what it was like to ache at every thought of them. Akaashi, kind gentle Akaashi had been so determined not to let Kei feel alone. They'd text so often Kei was barred fro his phone during practise, they'd talk until Kei could remember every decibel of his voice by memory alone. But then Akaashi struggled to fit the puzzle piece of himself into Bokuto and Kuroo's dynamic. A year living together had let them move around each other with ease and grace. 

"It's as if I don't fit. We're soulmates, we're made for each other but sometimes I think the only people the need are each other."

Akaashi had told him that with dark circles beneath his eyes, voice crackling like static through the speakers of his phone and Tsukishima had stayed up the next two nights, pulling every video and photo of Akaashi with them both that he could find. Akaashi couldn't see it but Tsukishima could- he always had. The three of them together were incredible. He cut the clips together, highlighted all the times they'd watch Akaashi during practise matches, the way they'd smile with a tenderness he'd never seen elsewhere, how they shone so much more brightly when Akaashi was around. They were like fuel, and oxygen, and fire for a flame. A small voice had wondered _what did that make him? Where did he fit when they had so much love already? What was he?_ But the high flush on Akaashi's cheeks, the gleam in his storm eyes and the thankful smile he'd worn when he'd video called Kei after watching the video had made that voice quiet. _Maybe he was just this. Not fire or fuel or air but something to keep the flames going. And maybe he'd be okay with that if Akaashi kept looking at him like this. _

* * *

The parcels had become a routine. Every month three boxes would arrive, one from each soulmate. There wasn't always much in them, maybe snacks or books or hand written notes, but they were always cherished and accepted and never ever forgotten. Until they were. They'd been talking less lately, Akaashi had withdrawn into his coursework, Bokuto had been so busy with volley ball even the soulmates living with him had barely heard from him and Kuroo... He wasn't sure what Kuroo had been doing. Kei would receive updates from them each but it had become mindless distracted chatter, and so sporadic that his marks would burn at the thought of the distance between them increasing. But they never missed parcel day, not when Akaashi had exams or Bokuto had a practise match or Kuroo had interviews. 

The day came and Tsukishima waited. He hadn't received a text from Akaashi telling him the parcel was on it's way, or calls from Bokuto yelling to open it! open it Tsukki! open it open itopeni- but that was fine they may have been a little busy, they'd video call him later anyway, they always did. So he waited. Waited with baited breath and shaking hands and light and hope and please and- nothing. It took checking five times before he was certain he hadn't gotten the date wrong. It had taken five hours for one of them to call him. The flash of Kuroo's name on his phone had been a quiet mercy and he'd answered after several rings, face painted bored and blank to find Akaashi and Kuroo in their kitchen, phone balanced on the counter and the boxes he'd sent for them in front of them. 

"Tch. I thought someone interesting may have called me." and what he means is _I'm glad you're okay. I've missed you so much I can barely breathe. Have you missed me too?_

_"_ We missed you too Tsukki" Kuroo answers, catlike grin and bed hair as strong as Kei remembered. He hadn't realised how long it had been since he'd seen them. 

"How's your studies going?" He asks, and he listens intently as Akaashi dives into the details of studying medicine. Occasionally Kei throws in his own comments, pretending not to hear as Kuroo accuses him of being a nerd. _If he also pretends that he hasn't been neglecting his own work to read medical journals just so the might be of some use, well... that's his business and his alone._

"Oya? What's this?" Bokuto barrels in, hair gelled and eyes bright and Kei aches at the sight. He places a kiss on Akaashi's cheek, and a peck to Kuroo's lips as he passes them both by to peek at the box. Kei had almost forgotten about it until now. "Gifts from Tsukki?" 

His smile is so bright as he tears through the box ignoring Akaashi's 'Hey- have some patience' that Kei's wrist throbs and pulses. He rubs at it absentmindedly, jerking slightly as he hears a loud shout from Bokuto. 

"OH MY GOD! Tsukki! Is this what I think it is? This doesn't even get released for six more months!" Bokuto yells and Kei raises a brow.

"Yes I am aware. My brother knows the creator, he pulled some strings and helped me get you a copy." But Bokuto isn't even listening instead he's stroking the game as if it's some precious thing. Kuroo laughs, soft and fond whilst Akaashi pulls his own gifts out.

"Not that we don't appreciate the gifts Tsukki- but what's the occasion?"

He feels his own expression fall slightly, freezes so bad Kuroo taps the phone and asks if the screen has frozen. They forgot. They really forgot, and he knows it shouldn't be such a big thing, everyone forgets sometimes, but it feels less like they forgot parcel day and more like they've forgotten him. He panics and hangs up with as little movement possible, messaging their group chat to say his signal cut out and he's going to bed anyway so enjoy their gifts. 

( _He knows they remember the next morning, because when he gets home from practise there are six boxes of strawberry shortcake delivered for him and Kei forgets too._ )

* * *

When two weeks go by without contact, Kei shows up at their door. He brings a bag with him, enough clothes to stay for the weekend and he uses the spare key he'd been given to let himself in. There's noise coming from the living room and he spots Kuroo's familiar bed head, back towards the door, head bowed over some books.

"Keiji? You're home already? I thought you were going to the library."

The use of Akaashi's first name throws him off slightly, it had never been something they discussed, and they hadn't called Kei by his given name before. But each relationship is different, maybe it's just the dynamic Kuroo and Akaashi have. The voice tells him it's more than that. 

"Not quite."

Kuroo spins round, pen hanging loose from his lips and Kei shouldn't feel hurt by the shock and confusion in his expression but he is. 

"You shouldn't chew your pens you know." It's admonishing and Kei is thankful that his voice doesn't tremble.

"What are you doing here?" Internally Kei wilts at the words but it's smothered by the embrace Kuroo draws him into. Kei sinks into it, dropping his bag, grip tight around Kuroo;s waist and feels Kuroo's mark on his wrist warm like sunshine on his skin. 

"I had some free time." Kei says nonchalantly as if he doesn't feel like he's going to burst out of his skin. Kuroo pulls back just enough to capture his lips and Kei makes an aborted noise in the back of his throat. Skilled fingers thread through his hair and Kei arches into him on instinct, relishing in the feels of Kuroo against him and the catch of his teeth against his lip. The former captain pulls back, fingers spanning over Kei's cheekbones with a teasing grin and hazy eyes. 

"Looks like someone missed us." 

It's teasing of course, but all Kei can focus on is the way Kuroo's holding him like he's some precious thing. The way he's looking at him as if he actually sees him. As if he's wanted. Loved. And he'll do anything to make Kuroo keep looking at him. So he surges forward, kiss bruising and possessed. Kuroo stumbles under the weight of him before he finds his footing and he drinks Kei in greedily, guiding them back towards the bedroom he shares with the others. It's not new- they've been together before, all four of them, sometimes three, sometimes two, but Kei has rarely been such an enthusiastic participant. He usually kisses the way he used to play. Slow, languid, just enough pressure to prove he's there with soft touches and wandering hands. This is different. He's drunk and heady and Kuroo's hands on his skin feel like a wildfire burning. He wants to burn forever. So he lets Kuroo push him down into the mattress and pleads and prays that Kuroo will want ~~love~~ him like this forever.

* * *

Bokuto and Akaashi come home and he does it again. He meets their insistent hands with his own, lets Akaashi leave a bruise where his shirt collar wont cover, lets Bokuto use all his strength. He's lost in love and lust and the smell of Bokuto's shampoo and Kuroo's gaze and Akaashi's hands and when one stop he pulls another into a kiss as if he can keep this forever. They've never been like this with him, so dedicated, so desperate and Kei wants them to need him like this always. He wont be able to bear the silence after this. So he lets the pull and press him into different positions until he's shaking too much to hold himself up. They clean him up gently, with soft gazes and sleepy smiles and he curls into someone- he thinks it might be Bokuto, with an arm spread behind him to hold Akaashi and the other extended to grasp Kuroo's hand. 

Despite this, he wakes up alone. The bed is cold and light streams through the windows. It hurts, and his wrist hurts for it but he ignores that and eases himself out of bed, throwing on Bokuto's jumper- far too large for him, and some boxers before going to find them. He had expected to find them in the kitchen, maybe Akaashi brewing coffee and Bokuto frying eggs. Or even Kuroo sprawled in the living room with all his books. Instead it's empty, no sign of them, no note, not even a text on his phone. It stings more than it should. He waits an hour for them to come home, but then stops. It's their home not his. They're each other's homes, not him. It's a slow revealing truth and Kei wishes he hadn't seen it coming. His wrist _burns_ and _burns_ and Kei burns too. 

The train ride home is a quiet one, and his home is quiet too- empty and barren. 

Kei turns off his phone, crawls into bed and wishing his head could be quiet and empty. 

* * *

He wakes up and his marks have festered, 

He wishes he was surprised. 


End file.
